when all my brightest days are dark.

2010-08-07T17:49:00.002+08:00

can we go back, to how it used to be? i hate fighting with anyone, especially when its you. and its so annoying how sometimes they're things i really shouldnt even be pissed about, or when its something so small but we both get pissed. i hate it. i feel like everytime it happens it drives a wedge between us. i'm scared that its going to become a chasm neither of us can cross, or an ocean of regret that we both drown in.

no one ever said it would be this hard.

2010-05-10T00:17:00.002+08:00

So what really makes life worth living? Is it the number of people you know? The grades you get? Affirmation from people who matter? The proverbial happiness? Or simply loving and being loved in return?

What if you are loved, but can't love in return? Its not just about saying I love you, its also about showing it, doing things that matter and building each other's happiness. What if, in making this, the biggest decision of my life to date, I also begin to lose someone who means so much more than anything else? I'm scared. And I have no idea how to handle this. Its all well and good to make promises and plan for the future, but how do you plan for a future that seems to encompass nothing but work and no time? I want this more than anything, far beyond anything else I ever have, or probably ever will want. I say I can, I really want to, but how much are we really masters of our fate? I'm dead scared I'm going to lose it, I probably will. The problem is, I have no idea how not to set the gears in motion, moving towards what seems like an inevitability. (Maybe I do, maybe I'm just being a selfish bitch) The point is. I'm freaking scared.

Can you, will you, should you, even when I can't be around? What if I'm never ever there?

I don't want this to be a could've, would've, should've. I need to know what to do. How do I tell you all that I want to? I'd sound insane. Heck I probably already do, but that's beside the point. I suppose, I should apologise in advance, for everything I have, and will ever do to you. You don't deserve all this shit.

Its going to be a long night.

2010-03-06T22:12:00.002+08:00

So... another milestone crossed (: Thankfully it was well crossed or I'd be tearing my hair out about uni apps now. Am suitably pleased with myself, although I keep hoping that I didn't see my scores on the teachers' copy of the results slip wrongly since the smart me forgot to return the lousy blazer/skirt and so didn't get my results >< Please please please don't let me have seen the same (wrong) results twice!!!

Anyway Maldives in 4 days, am excited like you cannot believe. OMG 4 days! Means I need to start packing omgzzxzxzxzxzxzxzxz. Cannot wait cannot wait. Okay lousy short post back to figuring out how to fill in SMU apps. rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2010-01-15T15:54:00.003+08:00

Okay so its 2 weeks into the new year, and can I say that without the start of school I still feel like I'm living in '09! Been feeling quite old, since I head out and see all these secondary school/JC kids, and I suddenly realise with a jolt that I'm actually older than even the JC kids. Really makes me feel quite mature and knowledgeable. I said FEEL. In any case it really is a new year. Not having to go to school after having gone every year for like 14 years since I was 4 really smacks of a big difference to my life, and somehow makes me feel that my life lacks structure all of a sudden. Mt days are generally spent aimlessly bumming around at home, occasionally clearing stuff at home, and heading out to watch movies and/or coach. Suppose I'm glad that come Sunday I'll have something extra to do during the week - new job at Chili's Resorts World with Fi, Sam, Yiyun, Val. Should be quite fun seeing as the people working there all seem to be pretty cool, and its only part time so i still get to coach the little jap kids! :D

No big new year resolution post, or 2009 reflective post, any reflection to be done has already been done, no point typing a long drawn out post on it. So far the year has made a pretty good start, since I suppose you could say my life has been pleasant, actually more than pleasant. Hopefully this'll continue to be a good year come March when the A level results come out.. I really hope everything's gonna fall into place and I won't have to spend the next couple of months worrying about university admissions. Mmkay short post, not much to blog about really.

OH and happy birthday mellllll (: Thanks for being so awesome, I don't know what i'd do without you (:

2009-12-24T00:41:00.006+08:00

just a thought. Singaporean MRT officers are mildly retarded.

I just remembered that there was one day i was carrying my black adidas bag to coaching, and that the security officer stopped me and asked to look inside my bag. I've also noticed that everytime i carry that bag into an MRT station (and its been pretty often lately), the security officers give me/the bag suspicious looks as i walk past them. So this brings me to my question.. do they seriously think that every terrorist who's going to bomb the MRT station is going to put their bomb in a Suspicious Looking Black Duffel Bag to look the part? Wasn't it the government who warned us that terrorists are able to disguise themselves and could be anyone? So how is it that the demure old lady carry an oversized purse next to you cannot be a terrorist but someone carrying said Suspicious Looking Bag is a prime suspect? Have noticed that the staff only stop people carrying bulky/black/bulky and black bags. How does that work?

Another thought. I realise I seem to take very little interest in cultivating human relationships/friendships unless it seems certain that the person will be very dear to me. This realisation comes to me as I think about the number of people I would like to meet up with and can only come up with.. literally just over a handful of people. I don't think its because I'm a solitary person - I know that to be entirely false. In fact, I could even go as far as saying that I'm probably happiest among friends. Clarifications have to be made here, however, when I say friends. This is also where that realisation took root - that the people I'm happiest with are few and far between, and that by holding this small group of people close to my heart, I can be content. Knowing many people, and actually having friends who understand you and in whom you can confide are two entirely different matters. Truth be told, although I enjoy talking nonsense, that only happens to a point, and then I find myself wishing for the peace of company, not of the banter or stilted conversation that comes from most passing friendships, but the knowledge and comfort of knowing that whoever it is will always be there for you, and it is not what you say, but what you don't have to say that matters.

Hate to say that but amid the hustle and bustle of Christmas, the festive cheer hasn't quite seem to have infected me. All I want to do on Christmas eve and Christmas day is to spend time with the people who matter, not go to meaningless parties where I have to look for things to say, to talk about, where people ask what I have been doing/intend to do, and I find myself repeating the same anecdotes a hundred times. None of that is for me. I simply want the few people who mean the most to me to be with me. Feeling inclined to decline any invitations but I suppose that is not what is known as having Good Manners. Christmas is meant to be the season of love and of giving, but why does it feel like much of what is being done is simply to keep up appearances or whatever other reasons people do such things for.

At this point in time I can only say that i miss all of you, you should know who you are. If you don't know that I miss you because I haven't told you.. then oh well C'est La Vie but if I've told you that I miss you, then hell yes I miss you shitloads. ..You should know who you are even if I haven't told you. Okay my brain isn't used to thinking this much, think I'll go read my book now.

eight days ):

2009-12-21T22:02:00.003+08:00

okayyy mel has asked me to blog again -.- although i seriously have nothing much to blog about nowadays!!!

hmm watched avatar on friday night, was one of the better shows i've watched in a long time. although the storyline is predictable and cliched, i have to say the visual imagery and amazing graphics just left me wanting more. i suppose watching it in 3d, as well as having sofa seats didn't hurt!! but like seriously everyone should watch avatar. then had a super late dinner at kenny rogers before rushing home.

this post is so meaningless.

all my friends are heading off to various parts of the world, and i'm still here in singapore waiting for everyone to come back ): i miss everyone, and its going to be the longest 10 days everrr ):

coaching has been pretty fun (since when was making money not fun? but still..), i got upgraded to coaching the group above learn to swim, which is infinitely cooler cause the kids actually speak english, which allows you to correct their stroke in ways more substantial than 'kick harder!' plus the jap girls are really really adorable. they actually listen and do what they're told!! too cute. it started raining towards the end of the session on sat though, and since it was a test week i had to run about on pool deck instead of being able to stay in the warm pool, so i was consequently shivering like mad for the last half hour or so! still i guess it beats working 9-5!

met kris tying and miffie after that for a quick lunch at cedele. was nice seeing them again and talking nonsense as we always do. my apple cinnamon pancakes were really quite delicious too heh. anyway after that miffie had harp lesson and kris needed to do her US apps so they all went off, and i came home to sleep lolll.

sunday was lunch at mum's friend's place who's moving to ukraine, which was awesome roast beef and misc other random chinese food hahaha. then after that spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with, which was awesome as usual. (:

grrrrrr nothing to blog about SRSLY. i wish i were going to paris too. kbye.

2009-12-16T22:37:00.003+08:00

Oh dear I realise its been almost 3 months since I last blogged. Since (unnamed) people whose names appear on my tagboard have been bugging me to blog, I shall. So this is, shall we say SLIGHTLY overdue, but the big A's are finally over, and so is prom. The end of A's was really amusing cause we were sitting in the ISH after the Lit paper, knowing that it was our very very very last paper like, ever, so Dan GW JY and I were sitting at the back of the hall giving one another maniacal grins :D Also helped that we finished like a week before the next people!

Life after A's hasn't been as slack as I'd imagined it to be. I somehow imagined days of slacking in front of the TV or bumming around somewhere, but it turns out I haven't been watching as much TV or dramas as I would have liked to (this sentiment x10000000) and also going out is actually tiring x10000 so sometimes I'm actually really disinclined to go out. Anyway it has still been a whirlwind of crazy outings with awesome people like Mel Sal and Chermz, we should totally go back to BB to claim our Buffalo Wings and Milkshakes etc! :D Sitting there talking crap and doing nonsense is the funniest ever. I think if we were to keep going back there the waiters will start to refuse to serve us water. We drink about 1 million gallons each time we're there. Esp Mel who kept finishing her water and asking the waiters to serve her more water when everyone else was only halfway through their glass. Also crazy outings like playing pool/L4D2 with Mel and Lucas, which can I say we totally suck at. Pool was just being retarded and targeting people (more like Mel and Lucas targeting each other! And I still didn't even win one round omg) and L4D2 was just retarded, Lucas had to keep teaching us how to use the controls and move around, and I actually got dizzy from navigating and turning around using the mouse. Will never understand how boys can play such games for hours and hours on end. I swear I lost a substantial amount of brain cells from those 2 hours alone ):

Oh and also the best thing happened, in the best possible way. But why/how does the whole world know???

Prom was also not bad, although we paid so much just to take photos in my opinion. The food wasn't even that good, and the only great thing was seeing everyone together again and hanging out! Plus I loved my dress to bits :D After prom was the best though we went to the Esplanade to hang out, just us sitting there and talking, then after that took a cab over to Clarke Quay to meet Jiahao Sally Hanni Jerome etc, but we only sat for 10 mins cause when we reached they'd all finished eating and watching soccer and wanted to go back to the hotel -.- The food counter was also closed so we all trooped back to macs at 3am for unhealthy food hahaha. Spend the rest of the night till 5am just sitting around and talking, then k had to leave for the airport while i went to sleep and wait for Jing to come. Woke up about 730 and everyone was damn shagged but walked all over looking for a Ya Kun that Jonlim was positive was somewhere. It was actually nowhere. Settled for macs at Marina when there was actually one where we were -.- Retarded. Still had an amazing time with all the people I love nonetheless!

So have also been baking a lot, managed to bake this amazingly perfect cake from a recipe my bro found online, and its been fantastic! Also managed to get a job coaching super cute jap kids! As a result I now speak random jap phrases like "straighten your arms", "straighten your legs", "kick harder", "put your head down" etc. The pay is also pretty good so I'm not complaining.

Also yesterday was alternately fun and scary!!!! Won't go into details but dinner was totally scary I was damn scared I'd screw up. Argh am sick of typing. Will blog another time! HI MEL AND SAL I BLOGGED STOP BUGGING ME PLS.

2009-09-21T13:21:00.003+08:00

So prelims are (just about) over, and since I'm so screwed for Lit paper 2 I suppose it doesn't really count as a paper? Does that even make sense? It does to me ):

Kinda hard to believe that all those years of school have come down to this, the last month and a half of madness, where all the studying or non-studying that you did culminates in 9 papers. What you do in the exam hall a month and a half from now will make or break your future, your choice of uni etc. How is it that everything comes down to this? It doesn't even seem remotely fair; what if a small misreading of a passage or question were to precipitate into some huge mistake, one which you don't even realise you've made till the end of the paper? And by then all you can do is swear furiously in your head (or out loud, whichever suits you) and hope that everything else you did right will be enough to bolster the mistakes. Even that is sometimes too much a stretch of the imagination when you're writing an econs, geog, lit, or gp essay. Hey what dyou know, that's pretty much all my subjects! In essence: its do or die.

Also scary how one small mistake can affect the rest of your life. I (think I) know what I want to do with my life, but what if, just what if, I make the wrong decision? I mean you could spend your whole life doing the right thing (not that I'm saying that I have, but this being a supposition, we shall assume the ceteris paribus condition), and in making that single wrong decision, ruin your whole life. Something akin to the butterfly effect? idk. Anyway point was that suppose I realised halfway through my course of study in the uni that I hated my major, I couldn't restart, could I? I mean technically I could, but that would waste a hell lot of time and money, both of which I doubt I really have.. Its things like these that make me afraid, but how can you be afraid of both the present and the future? At the same time I miss the past and have great expectations for the future, so how does all that fit together? I know I'm rambling but that's what happens when you're steeped in boredom and monotony. I don't know how people can be muggers all the way, don't you have something better to do with your life? The prospect of 1.5 more months of this is insanely... mundane, oxymoronic for lack of a better expression. I flip through my notes going, hey I know this already, I shouldn't have to read it again should I? And then I think, crap I think I'd better, what if I've missed something out??? ..and so the boredom continues.

....back to Stats ):

2009-08-30T18:10:00.000+08:00

It just hit me - this week was the last proper week of school that we had. Having mixed feelings about that. One on hand I'm glad we'll have more time to study without having to go for lessons which sometimes are nothing but a complete and utter waste of time, but on the other hand, I daresay I'm going to miss the routines, the hanging out in class, talking to random people along the corridor, and the knowledge that everyone's going to be there. After this week and the rest of the prelims, I can't say for sure that I'm going to get to see everyone properly anymore. Apart from the fact that there'll be the checking of papers, everyone's going to be doing their own studying.. No more congregating as a clique/class to laugh at the guys playing bridge, no more sitting in class during extended breaks (read: GP), no more anything, just blind eat sleep shit study. After that? Well I suppose there will always be prom after that, but again, not everyone's going. And after prom? People will be going away on holiday, then the mad rush to apply for unis and everything is going to begin, people are going to fly off to begin the rest of their lives, nothing's going to the the same.

Where did the 2 years of JC go? They weren't kidding when they told me to treasure it. I THINK I have, but it turns out that maybe it wasn't enough. I'd like time to freeze, or press the slo-mo button, so that whatever little time we have left can be treasured and utilised right down to the last second.

By an extension of that point, I'd also like time to slow down so that I'd get more studying done. It seems that my brain hasn't begun to assimilate how much I have left to do, and at this point in time, I'd say that that's an especially worrying prospect. "What will people say if you can't even make it to uni?" I sometimes wonder. Its not a very pleasant thought, and one which warrants more emphasis. Perhaps its not always good to be "unambitious and not very concerned with getting ahead in life" as my Civil Service College test result proclaims. (or something to that effect anyway)

Well okay back to whatever I was trying to do. Perhaps I'll attempt an Econs essay. Time to buckle down or I'm going to get pwnzed inside out, outside in, left right centre in 2 months.

GAME ON. There's no looking back, not now, not ever.

2009-08-01T22:51:00.004+08:00

merrilllllllll says:
WAH WTF
merrilllllllll says:
I REALISE IN YOUR BLOGPOST
merrilllllllll says:
WHEN YOU SPRAINED YOUR ANKLE
merrilllllllll says:
YOU DID NOT THANK ME FOR HELPING YOU GET HOME
kat. says:
ahahaha
merrilllllllll says:
LOUSY!!!!!

HI MERRILL THANKS FOR GETTING YOUR DAD TO SEND ME ALL THE WAY HOME WHEN I KILLED MY ANKLE LAST YEAR. THOSE WERE GOOD TIMES (: (not spraining my ankle)

BANKAI

2009-07-16T23:06:00.001+08:00

in 6 weeks, we will all have to BANKAIIIIIIIIII.

okay freaking tired i think its screwing with my brain off to sleep (off with her head) hahaha okay wtf.

2009-07-13T22:47:00.000+08:00

i miss the times we had, as good friends or otherwise

FOCUS

2009-07-11T14:05:00.002+08:00

i need to focus, need to keep telling myself that all this will be worth it, and i really really really need to get to it. there are only 7 weeks to prelims, which means all my work needs to be top grade by then. to run through all of year one's work, and polish this year's in that small amount of time, is insane, to say the least. i need to buck up and start being anxious about all this, yet i can't be overly nervous or i'll just shut down and go into denial mode. once again its that fine line that seems to intrude into everything that i try to do.

i need to get a move on, in so many other ways than just this. someone tell me how to do it.

"there's a divinity that shapes our ends,
rough hew them how we will."

now, more than ever, i'm convinced that shakespeare knew exactly what he was doing.

how to take an interest in your life again

2009-07-06T22:00:00.006+08:00

So this weekend has been pretty fun, and since I promised Mel I'd blog 2 days ago, I guess this is overdue. Haven't really posted proper stuff in a while either anyway.

So Thursday marked the end of CT2, which I must say has been something of a catastrophe for me, to say the least. Anyone looking at my grades when they come back is going to think that probably couldn't be bothered to study cause my geog, math and econs grades are going to be dismal, and that's already understating it. I'm at least slightly more optimistic about Lit due to the fact that I might actually have been able to understand something for once in my 2 years of JC lit, enough perhaps, to scrape a B. Anyway so Friday after Geog 3B basically hung around the canteen talking nonsense (which we so happen to excel at) and uhhh watching people. Saw the Hist people and realised their paper was probably as bad as ours had been. Went straight home after that though, cause I seem to be disinterested in doing some stuff nowadays..

Friday was awesome cause it was a whole retarded day out with Mel, Sal, & Chermz :D Lunched at California Pizza Kitchen, where we had 3 awesome pizzas, and sat there talking for about 2 hours. Noted that most people came and went but we sat for such a long time that Mel managed to get comfortable enough to put her feet up on the seat and make Sal and Chermz think that our side had more space than theirs. Walked around aimlessly after that, before deciding to check Orchard Central out. Have to say it was kinda a disappointment cause most of the stores weren't open yet, and whatever that was was wholly uninteresting. The 2 things most of interest to us were the B&J's shop on the 8th floor, and the red comfy chairs in the basement. (&Since when have food and being a pig not appealed to me?) I think we just walked around aimlessly after that, before deciding to walk to City Hall cause Chermz had to pass sth to her friend. I almost died when they suggested walking from Somerset to City Hall. As if that wsn't enough, we walked around Raffles City (our hometown right, Sal the elitist?) twice and then around the entire City Hall area once. I think my soles were seriously ready to fall off. Anyway not complaining cause they're amazing company (: Haven't had so much fun in a long time.

I quote from Sal's blog:
"
Mel has like a mental map of all the seats available in the various shopping centers along the whole stretch until raffles city. but I must say she became really enthusiastic about walking after we passed plaza sing. then things got a bit retarded. or maybe chermz got retarded.
At a junction, the green man was blinking so we were ready to make a dash for it.
chermz "STOP! I cannot."
kat "oh yah the drink."
-light turns red-
chermz "okay NOW! GO!"
owned.

"hey doesnt it feel like homecoming?"
"huh?"
"just look ahead raffles hotel and raffles city" :))

We then proceeded to raffles city since chermz was meeting a friend there.
chermz "kat do you rmb how she looks like?"
kat "yah. arent you supposed to pass the ks bull to her?"
chermz "I know. I just forgot how she looks like."
"

OH and Sal said the funniest thing to me that day.
Kat, " oh yea I like the movie Anastasia."
Sal, "Yea and I think the spider in Charlotte's Web is also called Anastasia!"
K, "but its called CHARLOTTE'S WEB"
S, " OH"
..but I digress.

Sat was shopping with mum and Jon. Basically walked around Orchard again, and looked at lots of stuff but bought nothing. Stuff was cheap but uninteresting/not as nice as it should have been, so I bought nothing but Watchmen and a Sesame Street file. How sad is that ):

Sun I baked a cake for the first time in my life. I can't believe I've never baked one before yesterday, seeing as i'd baked cookies and blondies and stuff countless other times. Anyway the lemon yoghurt cake turned out pretty well so I'm quite happy.

Today was brunch with Yingy, Kris, Tying and Miffie! Was great cause we found this place called Jones The Grocer at Dempsey, which serves awesome food at pretty decent prices. Something like $12.50 for coconut pancakes, ice cream, and mango cubes. Loved it, but it was such a huge serving that Miff and I were struggling to finish ours. Have no idea how Tying finished hers so fast. Uhh insanely long walk out of Dempsey area after that, then took a bus to The Cathay to watch Duplicity. Was alright, but quite confusing cause they kept jumping back and forth. Notbad day, in essence.

Don't get how people write long posts about their day to day musings, and how it can all sound so reflective and almost good enough to publish in a book. Sometimes I wonder if they rip it off from somewhere, or I just don't think enough. Does one actually have to take time to formulate such intricate thought processes or does it come to you as naturally as the day turns into night? I wish I could, yet I'm afraid to try/am too lazy to try. Realise that's a major problem with me, that I simply don't have the drive to strive for anything. Everything I realise is mostly on hindsight, and even then I console myself, telling myself that I could've achieved that if I'd tried, and no one else would even come close. But hindsight is useless when you can't have a do-over. Someday I'd like an epiphany to hit me so hard when I'm in the midst of doing something, that it knocks the living daylights out of me, makes me realise that I can be so much more than I'm being at that split second in time, and make me get to it. Okay maybe not knock the living daylights outta me in the literal sense since that would probably make the epiphany useless.

random thought: i'm damn weird.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda. I don't want to be that person.

2009-06-23T23:58:00.001+08:00

screw cts there's no way i'm going to finish revising. ))))))))))))))))))))))):

Life is full of lots of up and downs,
And the distance feels further when you're headed for the ground,
And there is nothing more painful than to let you're feelings take
you down,
It's so hard to know the way you feel inside,
When there's many thoughts and feelings that you hide,
But you might feel better if you let me walk with you
by your side,

And when you need a shoulder to cry on,
When you need a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,
You won't be alone, cause I'll be there,
I'll be your shoulder to cry on,
I'll be there,
I'll be a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,
you won't be alone, cause I'll be there.

All of the times when everything is wrong
And you're feeling like
There's no use going on
You can't give it up
I hope you work it out and carry on
Side by side,
With you till the end
I'll always be the one to firmly hold your hand
no matter what is said or done
our love will always continue on

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on
everyone needs a friend to rely on
When the whole world is gone
you won't be alone cause I'll be there
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be the one you rely on
when the whole world's gone
you won't be alone
cause I'll be there!

And when the whole world is gone
You'll always have my shoulder to cry on....
as if you'll remember even sending this to me

heidi klum!

2009-06-11T20:02:00.006+08:00

favourite model :D super funny video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvmykRabhLg

oh oh oh another part of the same episode!!! she's so cute

2009-05-31T14:41:00.000+08:00

srsly why do i even bother?

..no don't answer that.

2009-05-27T21:54:00.000+08:00

"till the end of time
the friendship holds.
as was not measured in dime
together down the path life unfolds."

remember?

signs

2009-05-11T19:58:00.004+08:00

2009-04-21T23:29:00.002+08:00

if what i've heard is even partially true, all i can say is that i'm hurt, angry and very mad. if you're only going to come to me when you need me and you've done what i think you might have done, then i really don't think this so called 'friendship' should even exist. i mean seeing as we don't even talk and all, then forget it. i'd told myself that i wasn't going to be a sucker ever again, and hey you're not worth my time thanks.

good times.

2009-04-18T19:01:00.004+08:00

Look what I found while I was clearing my folders! Click to enlarge. Hope they don't get pixellated D:

2009-03-21T18:05:00.003+08:00

CTs start in one and a bit days, and I don't think I'm even close to being halfway prepared for them. I'll probably scrape through Math and Geog, and Epic Fail Lit and Econs. Especially Econs cause I really have no idea what's going on in the Govt Intervention and Market Failure notes. ): ggxxyyzz to the max.

did you know that i used to listen to 'broken hearts parade' everyday because you loved it and because you were so sad about her? right now walking away seems to be the solution.

//edit
THIS CAT IS SO CUTE OMG.

2009-03-09T22:00:00.001+08:00

Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where love takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

2009-02-15T22:33:00.000+08:00

awesome mash up!

2009-02-14T16:24:00.000+08:00

2009-01-03T22:21:00.003+08:00

Okay happy new year everyone!

Too lazy to blog about everything. I know my blog's falling into neglect, and it seems its doomed to fall deeper into that seeing as this year will probably be THE craziest year of my life. i'm not giving up on you

2008-11-14T23:20:00.005+08:00

today was hardcore math mugging day, finished 1.5 topics. and then headed to toys r us to get my niece her one month present, and then hung out at times for almost 2 hours. i got a new book again so yay i love getting new books.

anyway the week's been pretty good. okay the saturday before was hsm3 and quantum of solace. hsm was a disaster, contrary to what mel might tell you. i almost fell asleep / walked out of the cinema and s just sat there going oh my gawddd. quantum was alright, though i really expected more. it was... forgettable (to use a cliche)

wed was befrienders meeting, and then mel, chels, cx, yongsheng and i headed to cx's house / orchard to hang out, which was tons of fun. chelsia seriously cracks me up, and cx discovered the awesome hokkien mee at wisma. yes, i had a lot of fun. isle meeting back in school after that where we spent 2.5 hours planning stuff. i could love these people.

this is such a lousy post and i think i'm falling sick cause i have a damn evil headache. i think its because i keep thinking about __ and its driving me insane. i have no idea what to do to make us better. i dont want to let go but something tells me our time is coming and i hate it.

2008-11-13T00:00:00.002+08:00

i don't know it still feels like good friends but inside i know i love you so much
and i dont say i love a guy unless its really true.

2008-11-03T23:07:00.004+08:00

So World Cup is over (I wasn't last for anythingggg), with its end pretty much marking then end of my so called swimming career. Right now its back to SSC and back to the books. Its going to be a mad dash to the end as of now and I really need to get off my butt and start working before I fall even further behind.

I don't think I really know the meaning of working hard. All my life i've taken for granted that i'd be able to get what I wanted with just a little bit of effort, which has always been true of my swimming especially. I realise that I don't even work half as hard as other people, but I seem to always be able to stay on par with them. I don't mean to brag, really. I'm just stating facts, and that's probably what's led to this whatever attitude that I have. This is my first major exam and if I keep going the way I am I know I'm going to end up in the gutter. And I would like to be sitting in a palace, rather than the gutter thanks.

Hardcore time begins now.

I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning
With you.

2008-10-27T22:42:00.003+08:00

So the past 2 days have been prettyyyy fun.

Yesterday was a lazy sleep in day. Headed out at 1230 for lunch with my 1st aunt, 3rd aunt, cousin, (really adorable) niece, respective uncles and mum and jon. There was srsly too much food. I was kinda in disbelief. They ordered 2 whole roast ducks and 1 plate of roast pork, 1 plate of char siew. That was on top of noodles by the way. Anyway yes it was pretty good seeing them again, and my niece is sooooooooooo cute. Will post the pictures when I can get my ass off the chair and look for my phone cable. So after that huge meal I was already stuffed to the max. To add to that, there was another gathering at Elliot's house that same evening. Too much awesome food I swear. Stewed pork buns, popiah, chicken wings, mee siam, sweet potato.... Nicest part was that the attempted to surprise me with a cake (: I say attempted to because I could actually see them lighting the candles through the day curtains that were drawn to prevent me from seeing that in the first place. Oh well still very touched (:

Today was.. training first thing in the morning ): My strong willpower overcame my lazy complaining body :D Headed to Suntec after that to watch Butterfly Lovers, which is practically a chinese remake of Romeo and Juliet. Some parts of the story were lame (as expected), but it was surprisingly not a bad movie! Anyhow I maintain that the company matters more than the things you actually do together. Lunch at Kenny Rogers and Yami Yoghurt after ((: Walked around, hung out, talked a lot of crap... The usual. Came home, napped for a bit, and then went out AGAIN for dinner with mum and jon. Xiao Long Bao at Crystal Jade! And we went mad after by walking over to Swensens to get ice cream. Ended up ordering one Merri Mint Sundae, an Apple Crumble that is seriously to die for, and 2 more scoops of ice cream. I swear I thought I was going to explode. In essence an awesome day (:

Tmr's gonna be a long day in school ): but dinner at night with the clique so YAY i cannot wait (:

2008-10-25T21:16:00.002+08:00

Lol I think today convinced me that my time in the swimming world is pretty much up.

Snapped my ankle really badly when I jumped off the block at the World Cup trial this afternoon and couldn't even do a decent underwater kick after that. Finished in a 31.52 which is a really disgusting time.

Now I can't wait for April to come and let me get swimming out of the way. Looks like someone up there's telling me that swimming needs to go and that I really really need to get my butt off (actually its on) the chair and start mugging my brains out.

PTM today really did me in. Why is it that people choose to focus and HIGHLIGHT the bad points. I mean granted they have a point, but thanks ah.

Anyway have you ever considered that I might not even bloody hell be interested in school in the first place? So everyone says I can do it but srsly what's the point, all life is about is this fking rat race and I'm not even particularly interested in it anyway. We should really be quantified by something so much more substantial than school and results. Fk no wonder nerds get all the awards. Not saying I'm a brilliant character or anything but the point is.

2008-10-21T22:57:00.001+08:00

I don't care if you don't feel like talking to anyone, I'm still gonna spam you with texts to let you know I'm always going to be there

2008-10-20T22:36:00.001+08:00

wow is my life some fked up mess or what.

1. torn ankle ligament
2. results that suck ass = jc work is really too hard for me
3. screwed up swimming
4. messed up character

woww im awesome aint i

2008-10-19T16:16:00.002+08:00

Okay wow PW's really kicking my ass. ..And come tmr I guess its time to kick some butt! (meaning my own) Results results please don't be as horrible as I'm thinking you're going to be (but yea right hahahah who am I kidding right) Nabei give us a math paper that's all challenging questions obv a math nub like me's gonna epic failzzz right? (not to mention half the level)

Anyway yes I'm going insane insane insane I cannot imagine what I'll be feeling like this time next year. Thrilling prospect to the max pls? Ohhhh wellz at least my birthday's in 9 (NINE) days.

Will be spending the rest of the day doing work. (ie listening to music, watching gossip girl, reading freakonomics and disgrace... there was something else... oh right. pw. yea i meant that pw will be at the top of my list because OH SHIT I&R IS DUE TMR I KEEP FORGETTING FREEAAAKKK)

guess its time to do I&R (which i havz no idea how to complete btw) now )):

2008-10-14T21:59:00.002+08:00

Wow I'm quite happy tonight. Training was hell tiring, what with hardcore dryland and the main set being MVo2.. To add to it my ankle was hurting so I couldn't kick and my arms were like jelly towards the middle of the main set ):

What made my day however was someone bothering to drive out to mp to send me home ((: Awesome seeing you again after such a long time. I really missed you ): Plus now I have 2 new books to read so YAY.

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms.
Finding it hard to believe,
We're in heaven.

I LOVE THAT SONG TO BITS SRSLY HOW AWESOME IS BRYAN ADAMS

2008-10-11T22:01:00.002+08:00

Howww cute are my niece and nephews! (they're only 3 out of like dunnohowmany I have now)

Anyway started training this week, and I must say the feeling's pretty damn good, although I'm majorly tired out everyday and my ankle's not in such good shape. Oh well what to do. did sprints today and I was going 38 for back and 36 for fly. How slow is that ):

Anyway so these 2 weeks have been pretty cool, caught Money No Enough 2 with Merrill (YES it was still showing despite its having come out more than a month ago) which was pretty nice, although I thought that the beginning was really really lame. Anyway it was a good film cause it really highlighted the plight of so many old people, and I think we were the only 2 lousy shits who weren't crying by the end of the movie D:

Also caught up with Mel! Headed to Shokudo at Raffles City where we sat there for over an hour catching up and doing what we do best when we're together (GOSSIP HAHA) then proceeded to walk around Citylink etc where I bought a book that I really really really love.

Uh Thursday headed to Queensway with Jinsei cause he wanted to get me the Fred Perrys, but they didn't have any in my size ): crie crie. Then headed to Cine to check out the Fred Perry boutique and the limited ed shoe shop (name which I have forgotten) but couldn't find anything I liked ): Headed to Suntec for lunch cause he wanted me to try some jap buffet thing, but when we got there at 230 we were told that the buffet took its last order at 230 ): Went to Kenny Rogers instead where we had the awesome BBQ Chicken Pita that came with 2 side orders which we totally couldn't finish!

There was also the sleepover at dan's house! And though I couldn't stay over I still had tons of fun! MY CLIQUE IS AWESOME TO THE MAX I CANNOT WAIT TO HANG OUT AGAIN. I'm lazy to upload pics as you can tell, so TOO BAD! Anyway everyone else has the pics on their blogs so.

THIS IS A LOUSY POST.

i guess i still like you now. youve been great the past couple of days and maybe im still a sucker for you but i dont care and i know you know it but its not forever anyway so live for the moment!

2008-10-03T13:14:00.002+08:00

I know what I should do

I don't know what I want anymore, I don't know what's happening to us. We used to be so close but now its as if we're drifting. I know you still hold my heart in some inexplicable way, but maybe we don't mean as much to you as I thought we did at first. I don't like that way we've become but there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe it was all a mistake in the first place.

But I just can't walk away.

2008-10-02T20:55:00.002+08:00

Okay figured I owed this blog a post. I'm really lazy to post pictures though so I guess you'll have to contend with checking out my awesome classmates' blogs.

Anyway still can't believe that promos are finally over. I keep sitting at home thinking that I have some stuff to study, when it suddenly strikes me that I do not have anything to study!

Anyway I'm really not in the mood to blog anymore. Seems blogging's only good for public ranting or for when I'm really high. Neither of which I wish to do now. Maybe I'll blog when I get back from Dan's house tmr. (I'm not allowed to stay over phuck):

2008-09-28T00:02:00.001+08:00

Its almost over.

But I get the feeling its already over.

Its never going to be the same

2008-09-19T21:25:00.000+08:00

Our very own korean drama indeed.

2008-09-17T20:47:00.001+08:00

hahahahahaha omg i cannot believe it. this is so fked up. how did things become like this.

2008-09-13T19:10:00.000+08:00

Everyone's studying really hard for promos.

2008-09-06T22:45:00.002+08:00

Quote of the day! "He's like Gandhi, only better.. He likes PUPPETS!" HAHAHA funnier in context.

[merrill]9 says:
I KILLED A MOSQUITo
[merrill]9 says:
HAHAHA
katrina. (in electric dreams) says:
hahaha
katrina. (in electric dreams) says:
HAHAHA
[merrill]9 says:
I WIN A PRIZW
[merrill]9 says:
*PRIZE
katrina. (in electric dreams) says:
HAHAH
[merrill]9 says:
FKING MOSQUITO ON MY FINGER
katrina. (in electric dreams) says:
hahaha YAY clapclap
[merrill]9 says:
^_^ IM AWESOME
[merrill]9 says:
if i ever get retrenched
[merrill]9 says:
i can always be a mosquito killah
katrina. (in electric dreams) says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA NONSENSE
katrina. (in electric dreams) says:
v low paying job
katrina. (in electric dreams) says:
demand for labour very low
[merrill]9 says:
hahahahaha
[merrill]9 says:
DEMAND FOR LABOUR DAMN HIGH
[merrill]9 says:
i purposely go breed mosquitoes
[merrill]9 says:
then let loose
[merrill]9 says:
then everybody will be demanding my business
katrina. (in electric dreams) says:
DD IS ELASTIC
[merrill]9 says:
MERRILL MERRILL
[merrill]9 says:
HELP ME KILL MOSQUITOES
katrina. (in electric dreams) says:
later you die of dengue D:
[merrill]9 says:
then i'd be like IM HERE TO SAVE THE DAY
katrina. (in electric dreams) says:
OR MALARIA
katrina. (in electric dreams) says:
OR CHICKUNGUNYA
[merrill]9 says:
*KILL KILL KILL*
[merrill]9 says:
*MONEY MONEY MONEY*

HAHAHAH OMG.

2008-09-01T22:41:00.001+08:00

“It’s as if she were a stray dog by the roadside, waiting for you to notice her and give her a pat on the head. She doesn’t ask for much. When you remember about her, pat her and give her a few kind words, she wags her tail happily, so you think everything’s alright. The thing is that the next time you remember about her, and you turn around, she won’t be there.” (Fated to Love You, Dylan to Cun Xi)

2008-08-30T21:11:00.002+08:00

KAT NEEDS TO STUDY KTHX.

Headed to school this morning for swim meeting, and we've more or less settled the workplan and farewell so well done us (: Headed to j8 for lunch after that with Mel, Kang, Adriel and Chermz. Was really great just hanging out and talking nonsense. Reminds me why I love these people (:

On a side note some people really irk me, and I can't help it but I really want to punch inconsiderate, oblivious people. Oh well not my problem I guess.

Short update back to lit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-24T11:01:00.001+08:00

This is the kind of crap we talk :D

[merrill]9 says:

IS NOT

[merrill]9 says:

reading these kinda books dont make me violent

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

SURE NOT

[merrill]9 says:

VERY SURE

[merrill]9 says:

IM SO PEACEFUL!

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

DONCH BELIFSSS

[merrill]9 says:

IM SO PEACEFUL AND NONVIOLENT

[merrill]9 says:

reading this kinda book jus makes me um

[merrill]9 says:

think more quickly (: when i am faced with adverse situations

[merrill]9 says:

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

analysis of rendering the sentence in uppercase: the writer is trying to emphasise something which is not true but which he would like to convince the read is.

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

reader*

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

gp skillz come in useful!

[merrill]9 says:

HAHAHAHA

[merrill]9 says:

STUPIT

[merrill]9 says:

STUPIT!!!!!

[merrill]9 says:

YOU COULD NOT EVEN SPELL 'READER' PROPERLYYYY

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

BUT I GOT THE ANALYSIS RIGHT

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

SO I WILL GET MARKS

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

so your argument failz

[merrill]9 says:

HAHAHA :(:(:(

[merrill]9 says:

no lah

[merrill]9 says:

if i hav any violent tendencies at all

[merrill]9 says:

i get them from

[merrill]9 says:

... POWERPUFF GIRLS

[merrill]9 says:

YEAH

[merrill]9 says:

COS THEY WHOLE DAY BEAT UP PPL

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

HAHAHAHAHAHA

[merrill]9 says:

DAMN POWERPUFF GIRLS

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

UHM

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

MERRILL WATCHES PPG!!

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

HAHAHA

[merrill]9 says:

HAHAHAHAHAHA

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

my pm (:

[merrill]9 says:

okay fine i was KIDDING

[merrill]9 says:

I DONT

[merrill]9 says:

I DO NOT

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

HAHAHA

[merrill]9 says:

XPXP!!!! HORRIBLE KAT

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

xDDD

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

YOU DO NOT???

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

huhhh

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

why your pm so random

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

:-O

[merrill]9 says:

HAHAHAAHAHA

[merrill]9 says:

I DO NOT WATCH POWERPUFF GIRLS

[merrill]9 says:

WAIT

[merrill]9 says:

>: (

[merrill]9 says:

(i watch teletubbies)

[merrill]9 says:

hahahaha ok kidding kidding

[merrill]9 says:

BUT IT WOULD BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR ME TO PUT :CUTE (some random emoticon that merrill loves)

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

HJAHAHAHHA

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

too bad that is my pm for the day

[merrill]9 says:

bet you will change it sooner or laterrr

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

BET LA

[merrill]9 says:

XP!!!

[merrill]9 says:

I WOULD BET

[merrill]9 says:

BUT I DONT WANT YOU TO LOSE

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

HAHA

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

OKAY I DONCH MIND LOSING

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

BET LA

[merrill]9 says:

HAHHAAHA NOOO

[merrill]9 says:

I GIVE YOU CHANCE

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

IS OKAY

[merrill]9 says:

NO IS REALLY OKAY

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

I V STRONG, CAN TAKE DEFEAT (((:

[merrill]9 says:

LATER YOU CRY

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

NAHH I WOULDNT

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

TRUST ME (((:

[merrill]9 says:

KAT JUST ACCEPT MY KINDNESS LA

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

HAHA IS OKAY

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

YOU V NICE TO ME ALR!

[merrill]9 says:

I DONT WANT TO BREAK YOUR SPIRIT

[merrill]9 says:

LATER LOSE THE BET

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

NAHHH I CAN DO THIS FOR YOU (((:

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

(hiew)

[merrill]9 says:

HAHAHAHAAHA NOO ITS OKAY, YOU DONT KNOW THE EXTENT OF THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE THAT YOU COULD SUSTAIN

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

i am aware, and i gladly sacrifice (:

[merrill]9 says:

(eh save this conversation xD )

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

IS GOING ON MY BLOG

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

[merrill]9 says:

HAHAHAHAHA

[merrill]9 says:

I THINK IT SHOULD TOO xD

kat. silent fortress built to last. says:

OKAY

Awesome right (((:

2008-08-22T22:35:00.001+08:00

don't need too much talking,
without saying anything.
all I need is someone
who makes me wanna sing.

this bad feeling better go away

2008-08-22T17:34:00.002+08:00

TGIF.

That said, I have many things to do this weekend.

1. EOM
2. Lit unseen poetry essay.
3. Complete econs internship form.
4. File all my notes.
5. Revise Geog
6. Revise Econs

And then the cooler stuff like reading LOTR in between (Yes I'm a good few years behind but heyyy don't judge) and maybe catching a movie.

48 hours is too short to accomplish all that I want to.

2008-08-21T22:02:00.002+08:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Wow thats quite accurate :o

Pretty much just got home from dinner. Was pretty good, if a bit rushed. Was just nice to hang out, talk and spend time I guess. Should totally do it more often.

Econs tutorial calls ):

2008-08-18T22:06:00.003+08:00

Math lecture test tmr and I fell asleep for 4 hours while studying. Go me!

Anyway Phelps is seriously the grEIGHTest swimmer on earth! I know his 100 fly was super lucky and I really thought that Cavic was going to win, but Phelps really got him on the turn! OMG his turns are sick okay seriously. Super fast into and out of the tuck and his pushoff isn't the greatest but still. 8 gold medals in ONE Olympics isn't going to be equaled by anyone anytime soon!
Kudos to Jason Lezak for helping Phelps secure the gold in the 4x100 free relay! 46seconds OMG. Hero of the relay :o

Then there were all the other comps like the Track Men's 100m. Usain Bolt is insane. Perfect name for him btw. And I'm totally in love with Nastia Liukin's gym. She's damn hot for a gymnast and I think she has really pretty lines when she's doing floor especially. (Fine, though I don't know much about gym.) There's also Guo Jing Jing from China's diving team. Awesome to the mehx.

Getting really sick of blogging, and you might have noticed that my posts get crappier each time I post. Maybe its time to stop blogging.

"keep you hand to the level of your eyes!"

2008-08-15T22:04:00.004+08:00

I do not believe this. Not that I'd ever expected you to understand but to tell me to just stop is simply.. unreasonable. I know its for my own good but I treasure this way too much to listen to you just yet. I'm sorry and I'm torn by it but I think I know what I want and I'm not stupid, as you always seem to think I am, and as you always tell me. Thanks for the vote of confidence by the way.
FUUCK.

2008-08-08T15:16:00.004+08:00

I have been charged to blogger by someone whose blog has been dead for over a month! Pot calling the kettle black! ): >

Okay will blog about Nat Day celebrations yesterday! Had a nice time hanging out with Mer before that! Went to the Parade Square to watch Captain's Ball. I almost died trying to get up the steps omg. Made it to the top only to drop one crutch, and turned around too see Mel and JW laughing at me ): Anyway sat there watching until it started drizzling, then headed to the library to watch Kung Fu Hustle. Actually make that 30 mins of Kung Fu Hustle cause after we chose and loaned everything, the librarian kindly informed us that the counter closed in half an hour so we had to return everything soon. -.- The first 30 mins were quite funny though :D Watched IHC basketball after that, and then watched some of them play basketball after IHC. Dinner after that was.......... Really good! The chilli fishballs were so spicy I almost died D: Daniel drank like 4 cups of beverage trying to get rid of the spice :D :D :D Uhm then it rained so they had to abandon the 8k stage and adjourn to the hall ): Sat with Jo, Lisa, Tami, Mer, Seetow and some of 4P. So during the concert it was quite funny cause the guys sang the national anthem and said the pledge really really loudly. Like half the people around us were staring at us. OH well I guess being patriotic isn't always a bad thing xD This is such a lousy post.

I liked the concert! And I know everyone put in a lot of effort for it. Yao and Nana were awesome I kept screaming their names xD

Camwhored after that!! (the main point of this post was pics xD)

Zi Awesome Yao!!!
Fadz and Joce my walk to school with buddies :D (when i'm not injurdz)
BEST PIC OF NIGHT.
HAHA sorry Jo the other pic's in my phone and I'm lazy to upload it :D

The other pics are in my phone lol so don't even think of seeing them xD

2008-08-05T18:42:00.002+08:00

Being injured's such a bitch, seriously. I can't even get around my own home properly, and having only one crutch doesn't really help either. Spent the most of my morning at the doctor's, but finally got that reassurance that its nothing more than a very bad sprain (which I guess is a 'good' thing), but full recovery could take anywhere from a week to a month so OMG if I can't train for a month there goes my swimming. Freakkkk ): And there's constant pain/discomfort that doesn't really help my mood either. ): ): ): Sucks ass.

Anyway thanks to all those who texted me today to check up on me, I felt quite loved (:

2008-08-04T21:56:00.003+08:00

omg i'm damn fking pissed off. can't believe i sprained my ankle in school and now its so swollen some fruit flies will prob mistake the swelling for some freaking apple growing out of my ankle again. its the same bloody ankle that i sprained last year too, so obviously the sprain's worse this time. fkinggggggggggg pissed. the rest of the week's ruined too, cause i can't go to school tmr cause i have to see a doctor, then maybe wed go see specialist for xray and all that shit, then thurs is nat day celebs that i dont fking want to miss but obviously i wouldnt be able to move around so not much point in my going. friday we're off school alr. i'd better be well enough to go on sunday or i'm seriously going to kill something. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG FK.

2008-08-03T22:20:00.003+08:00

I think my life has been too easy. I've pretty much had it easy all my life, without having to overcome much adversity or many odds. Aside from those 2 incidents when I was 3, I realise that my life hasn't been all that tough. In primary school, I never had to work hard to attain good grades, in Secondary school, I didn't have to study very hard anyway since I'd be going straight to JC, I didn't really have to train as hard as other people to do better than them either. I guess it could be said that my life's been pretty smooth sailing. And only now I realise that many people actually work 10million times harder than I do. Whether they do better than me or not is beside the point, what makes me the most disappointed in myself is that I take a lot for granted, and when I realise that something's going to be hard to achieve, I give up, and turn to something else, telling myself that maybe I'm just not good. I realise my attitude sucks and that I should probably start fighting for what I want.

Anyway on a less reflective tone Saturday was fun cause I headed to school for ISLE/Scholarship Day in school. Woke up an hour later than I'd planned cause apparently I'd just shut my alarm off and gone back to sleep for another hour. >< Still got to school on time though :D Manned the bubbletea / souvenirs booth for an hour with Chels and Yvonne, then decided to take a box of bubbletea up to the hall to sell and look at the exhibits. The box was sooo heavy my arms are still aching now ): I thought the exhibits and the layout of the whole thing was kinda messy though. Saw Khaicheong's message too late, cause he'd left by the time I saw it ): Anyway ISLE only made like 200 bucks ): Next time we'll sell something better than bubbletea!!

Headed back down to the canteen to help man the booth again and to wait for Merrill to finish with the DSTA talk, then got a ride from Ryan Teo to j8 to have lunch! I found out the importance of tables to Ryan :D I bet Mer likes them too :D :D :D Headed to Pastamania for lunch where I ate the Spaghetti with Meatballs, Mer ate some white stuff D: K it was country baked pasta WHAT WERE YALL THINKING :o Yea then sat there for like an hour just talking, which was really awesome! Had a great time :D Then I trained home while he headed back to school for council workday.

Yup and tmr I have to stay back to run 800 for BW. I don't wna run against Chermz!!!! I'll definitely lose, but who cares, I'm still gonna do my best for my house (: Mmm back to attempting EOM.

2008-08-01T18:57:00.003+08:00

Today.. was full of mixed feelings. Woke up this morning only to realise that I'd fallen asleep prematurely last night and had forgotten to reply a text. Anyway lessons were pretty much the same. After school hung around with the class for a bit before heading up to the library with Dan to study. Mer came at about 330, and we kinda decided to go eat at like 430 so whoops. Anyhow its always awesome to spend time with people I like a lot so I guess today was pretty much alright.

Also now I've again been confronted by the very thing that's been troubling me for quite a while, ever since all this began. Its difficult, I know, but maybe making an effort would help. And although its difficult to cross that line, its alright to take that leap of faith and see how things turn out. This has been pushed back and forth too many times, and although it seems like its my decision, its really actually yours. The ball's in your court. Step forward or step back? Neither's gonna be easy, but that's a choice we have to make.

Somehow things aren't turning out the way I'd envisioned.

2008-07-27T23:30:00.002+08:00

Wow haven't blogged for a week D: Shows how much time school is taking up >< Anyway will just blog about today since the rest of the week has been pretty much mundane.

Headed out to Suntec this morning by the same route, 14 all the way. Sat at the back and just talked about random stuff like we usually do. Got to Suntec quite early, like 30 mins before the show. Someone tore his Mont Blanc cardholder while paying for tickets D: Omg my heart stopped when the leather ripped >< Anyway went into the cinema like 15 mins before the start of the show, before realising that we were the only people in the cinema!!! Apparently Prom Night was so lousy no one wanted to watch it haha. Migrated to the sofas at the back of the cinema (which are really comfortable by the way). I swear Prom Night is the lamest movie everrrr. Was totally not thrilling and the scariest part was when blood spurted out of the girl's slit neck -.- Really a waste of 9 bucks D: Anyway watched Dark Knight after that, which was definitely waay better. Perhaps it wasn't as spectacular as I thought it'd be, but Heath Ledger in posthumous action was still awesome as the Joker. Was a really long movie though, and we sat through the whole second half telling each other that we needed to pee :D Thanks for keeping me warm though (:

After that popped by Jigsaw Puzzle World, and Mont Blanc at Raffles City to check if the cardholder could be fixed, then went to Sushi Tei for lunch, which was prettyyyy good.. Dropped by Presat for chocolates (which were awesome by the way :D) and Starbucks for coffee, then cabbed back to the East where I had to head for tuition. Pretty much my day in a nutshell. Damn tired of doing work now.

cheer up alright<33

2008-07-21T21:05:00.002+08:00

OMG I just found out that my team got overall individual champs for Waterfeste! OMG this is awesome fo shizzle!!!

Anyway am slightly grouchy now I hit my hand on the corner of a very very hard chair and now it hurts like some (#&$&$^!!! This is a weird post but JOANNE is back! Was damn good to see her after 10 days!
Wondering how much this means to you, really.

2008-07-20T14:19:00.002+08:00

Watched 2 movies this week! (Seems as if I'm making up for all the movies I missed during the June Hols :D) Anyway watched Hellboy II: The Golden Army with Mel, which I really thought was quite good. I think even Mel thought it was quite good though she didn't watch the first installment. (BTW, MEL I know you fell asleep cause there was one point at which I kinda realised you weren't moving, so I woke you up on purpose! Winz.)

Saturday morning mum decided that she wanted to watch Red Cliff so she made Jon book tix and dragged us off to Plaza Sing to watch. Was really worth the time though, cause its pretty much one of the best movies I've watched. The 20 years / 80million spent on the movie really paid off. The story was.. Awesome cause its a part of history anyhow, and the fleshing out of the characters, as well as the fight scenes were really really awesome. Loved every minute of it, cannot wait for the second installment in Jan 2009! Seems a really long, unnecessary wait though ):

Anyway we were all kinda peeved cause on the drive up to Plaza we went through 2 ERP gantries! So its like you think WTH I need to pay 2bucks to get into the CBD, but its alright cause I only need to pay once, and I'll be in the CBD. So we were driving along, and suddenly another freaking gantry loomed up ahead of us! Since when did you have to go through an ERP gantry when already inside the CBD? Retarded. Shan't say more.

Rest of the week was pretty much uneventful, with the highlight being Waterfest! I thought it was awesome that I got to be a part of such a cool event. My team consisted of Seetow, Daphne, Paul, Jerome, Kevin.. And a few others. Anyway our first game was water captain's ball against Brandon's team, and we won! 2 - 1 though I thought that it was a draw. Their second goal wasn't counted though, I wonder why. Was probably the most tired I've been for a long time, who knew that a 7 minute game could be so long? Next game was Treasure Hunt where you basically have to retrieve stuff from the middle of the pool, and subsequently defend it from the other team. Our team was the first team to own the MR team which had Kang + Khoonnie in as subs :D Are we awesome or are we awesome! Played as sub for another treasure hunt after that cause I didn't want to play water volleyball, although we lost that treasure hunt. Maybe I should've subbed earlier seeing as Jiahao was playing ><

Anyway so I left Waterfest early, and missed the fun parts like the Hot Bod contest and all that. BW came in third which is really kinda sad, but MR was really strong, and I dunno who MT had but they were obviously pretty good!

Um wow my blog's been stagnant for a week, been busy with PW and the like, school's really getting to me now. Just as well there's slightly over a year left. Okay uhm off to do PW. I can't wait for tonight cause you'll be back (:

2008-07-14T22:30:00.003+08:00

"take care k? don't miss me too much.." That was when I decided that I'd miss you most of all. Its been <1 day and I'm already missing you to the mehx. Just knowing you're not there at the touch of a button on my phone makes this distance even longer. This is only going to be a week, what will happen when its longer next time? Have fun on holiday <3

2008-07-13T20:55:00.004+08:00

I have my eye on:
Vans Animal Print Hippo Slip On.

Bottega Veneta Intrecciato Leather Wallet.

D&G French Purse with logo closure.
Totally lusting after the Bottega and the Vans. But the Bottega costs US$720 D: Anyone volunteer to get it for me? ):

I'm gonna hate next week to the max. One week's waay too long and Thailand's waay too far away. ):

Top8

1. S (:
2. Khoonnie
3.Mel
4.Rachie Yeo
5. Mer
6.Naomi
7. Jing
8.Joanne

NUMBER 8 [Joanne]

1. HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN 8?
- Since Sec 1?

2. HAVE YOU EVER DATED 8?
- nope.

3. IS NUMBER 8 ONE OF YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS?
- Quite.

4. HAVE YOU EVER KISSED 8?
- nope. think she'd go mad if i did :D

5. Name one favorite memory with 8?
- talking crap in between lessons.

6. DO YOU TRUST 8?
- yeah.

7. WOULD YOU KEEP A SECRET FROM 8?
- maybe.

8. WOULD YOU TAKE A ROAD TRIP WITH 8?
- YUP!

9. IS 8 DATING ANYONE ON YOUR TOP 8?
- nope.

10. ARE YOU IN 8'S TOP 8?
- i hope so xD

NUMBER 7 [Jing]

11. HAVE YOU EVER KISSED NUMBER 7?
- nope.

12. NAME ONE INTERESTING THING ABOUT 7?
- Bang(s)!

13. WOULD YOU DO ANYTHING FOR 7?
- whatever was within my means.

14. ONE THING 7 IS GOOD AT?
- softball

15. ARE YOU OLDER OR YOUNGER THAN 7?
- younger

16. HAVE YOU EVER HUGGED 7?
- yeah like everyday :D

NUMBER 6 [Naomi]

22. HAS 6 DONE ANYTHING ILLEGAL?
- Haha HAVE YOU, NAOMI?

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS WITH 6?
- nopes.

24. HAVE YOU EVER KISSED 6?
- nope.

25. ARE YOU IN 6'S TOP 8?
- hopes so!

26. EVER LAUGHED WITH 6?
- yes (:

27.WOULD 6 BE THERE FOR YOU?
- i hope so.

29. WOULD YOU BE THERE FOR 6?
- definitely

30. WHAT DO YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT 6?
- she makes me awesome stuffs.

NUMBER 5 [Mer]

31. HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW 5?
- Not bad considering we've only known one another for 2 months!

33. HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN NUMBER 5?
- 2 months~

34. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE WITH 5?
- talk shit and suan one another.

35. HOW DID YOU MEET 5?
school.

38. WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT 5?
- nothing!

38. ARE YOU ON 5's TOP 8?
- haha no idea.

39. What do you have in common with 5?
- we both talk a hell lot of shit.

NUMBER 4[Rachie!]

41. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW 4?
- School Nats dinner!

42. HAVE YOU EVER MADE OUT WITH 4?
- nope.

43. ARE YOU RELATED TO 4?
- nope.

44. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL WITH 4?
- we used to.

45. HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN 4?
- since..... damn long ago.

46. ARE YOU ON 4'S TOP 8?
- yeah!

47. WHAT'S YOUR BEST MEMORY WITH 4?
- HAHA laughing like mad at stuff, teasing one another, going high, telling secrets.. The list goes on (:

49. HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON WITH 4?
- Swimming!

50. DO YOU LOVE 4?
- To the mehx.

NUMBER 3 [Mel]

51. HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN 3?
- Since sec1, and better in sec3 when we were classroom neighbours (:

52. WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE 3?
- School nationals combined dinner.

53. HAVE YOU EVER DATED 3?
- nope

54. HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON WITH 3?
- Swimming, gossiping, and a hell lot more.

55. ARE THEY FUNNY?
- YES.

56. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL WITH 3?
- Yep.

57. ARE YOU ON 3'S TOP 8?
- I hope so.

58. WHATS THE LAST THING YOU DID WITH #3?
- combined dinner!(:

59. WHAT IS SOMETHING 3 IS GOOD AT?
- Studies.

60. WHAT DO YOU LIKE BEST ABOUT 3?
- she's always there for me.

NUMBER 2[Khoonnie<33]

61. HOW DID YOU MEET THIS PERSON?
- Swimming!

64. WOULD YOU EVER GO OUT WITH #2?
- yeah!

65. DO YOU LOVE #2?
- A HELL LOT.

66. HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN IN TROUBLE WITH 2?
- haha not that i can recall.

67. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO DO WITH 2?
- talk.

68. DO YOU LIKE THIS PERSON MORE THAN A FRIEND?
- YES I'D DATE HER ANY DAY.

70. WHAT DO YOU LIKE BEST ABOUT #2?
- that she's always there for me <3

NUMBER 1 [S (:]

73. HAVE YOU EVER KISSED NUMBER 1?
- Yes.

75. DO YOU LOOK UP TO THEM?
- Yes.

76. HAVE YOU EVER FOUGHT WITH 1?
- more a squabble than a fight.

78. WOULD YOU DO ANYTHING FOR 1?
- most things I guess.

79. DO YOU LOVE 1?
- I'd say yes.

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE BEST ABOUT 1?
- How he makes me feel inside.

2008-07-12T22:39:00.002+08:00

Wow my blog's been dead for the longest time. Anyway so its been a good 2 weeks, with the highlight being Raffles winning all 6 division titles at nats!

Today was spent.. hanging out with awesome people and watching movies! Took an hour long bus ride to Suntec from Tanah Merah MRT. We had a good time talking and just being with one another. Reached Suntec at 10, and headed in to watch Hancock. I think the sofas at the back of the cinema are really awesome cause they're so roomy and comfortable. Anyway Hancock was pretty good i think! Hmm maybe the storyline wasn't all that great but I think Will Smith is such an awesome actor that he really saved the movie. So after that we walked around and tried to decide where to eat, came to the conclusion that Raffle City was the place with the best food, so took a long slow walk through Citylink to Raffles City. Stoned around for a bit, debated where to eat yet again, someone got tempted to go into Bally to see the shoes again :D But anyway ate at Out Of The Pan in the end, and I must say my Bratwurst Crepe was seriously not bad! Sat there for like over an hour just talking about stuff like swimming and dream houses and all that. Headed to Orchard after that to go look at the iStore and Fred Perry. The shoes are srsly to die for ): Hung around for a bit, then walked towards Wisma to meet Eddy and Fiona for our pseudo class outing!

So second movie of the day = Wanted! Which really was kind of a waste of 9 bucks. ): So the story was all action which made it kinda cool, but there were many parts which I felt the director had left hanging, with no explanation to things such as how the protagonist escaped from the crevasse when there was obviously no way of getting out. And silly stuff like curving a bullet and making a bullet travel like half a mile in a curve from the your home to the office / how a bullet can go through the heads of 6 people consecutively without slowing down or stopping.. Stuff like that. Some parts just left me going ??? But Angelina Jolie was surprisingly hot in this movie :D

Okay I'm tired of typing cause I've just spent almost an hour typing less than 20 mins of interview transcript and my fingers are really tired. Overall quite a good day :D I'm going to hate next week though ._.

2008-07-07T11:36:00.003+08:00

Ripped this off Roanne's bulletin board post on Friendster. Lousy post, I know.

When is the last time a boy gave you a hug?

Was that counted?

Who was the last person who looked at you and smiled?

Mum.

Have you ever touched an elephant?

Yeah at the zoo one time!

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?

I have no idea. Wishy washy's our middle name.

Are you loving life at the moment?

Its pretty much the same.

Has anybody ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Heh yea. Quite often.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Happily married (:

Name something you did yesterday?

Math tuition.

If you are being extremely quiet what does that mean?

I'm tired, or in a bad mood, or just not in the mood.

What is the weather like today?

Chilly.

Own bright colored underwear?

Haha orange striped Calvin Kleins!

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

Hmm Shawn.

Do you have anything to complain about?
Training this morning was the lousiest taper ever!

Ever kissed someone who smokes?

Ewww no.

Do you have curly hair?

Nopes, slightly wavy.

If someone were to tell you they like you right now, would you care?

Probably.

Last place you took a plane to?

Thailand to Singapore.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?

Guess I usually talk about them.

If someone looked ON your bed, what would they find?

My pillow, bolster and comforte, my cow pillow. And maybe me.

What is the last movie you watched?

SpiderMan on tv last night.

Are you happy at the moment?

Neither happy nor sad.

What are you listening to right now?

Leave Out All The Rest - Linkin Park.

What did you dream about last night?

Nothing.

Do you like to read?

Hell yes.

You're in the hospital, who on your TOP friends comes to visit you?

All of them (:

Do people underestimate you?

Hmm I wouldn't know.

What's your favorite color?

Red! or Orange.

Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?

Yes. 'Best friend' has the word 'best' 'friend' is just 'friend'. DUH.

Do you miss anyone?

Hmm not really.

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?

To a point I suppose, but I've changed and grown a bit from this point last year I suppose. But pretty much the same?

What's the 8th text in your inbox say?

Wanna talk on the phone?

What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?

SCHOOL NATS :D

Do you think you like anyone?

I like all my friendzzz.

Are you falling for someone?

Make that 'have fallen'

Do you like your first name?

Yes! Is awesome.

What are you looking forward to in the next month?

Nothing's happening in August yet.

Do you like pancakes?

yes :D

Do you have a facebook?

Mmhmm.

Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?

Yes, someone smarter.

Have you ever told anyone you were OK when you really weren't

Who hasn't?

Lousy post, I KNOW! Will post after school nats!

2008-07-02T18:08:00.002+08:00

Something I found on Facebook. Rather amusing.

TOP TEN REASONS TO DATE A SWIMMER.
1. They like it wet.
2. They dive right in.
3. Love going fast.
4. Are use to wearing next to nothing in front a group of people.
5. Breastroke is favorite to many.
6. Others like it on their back.
7. They are experts at putting on rubber and can do it fast.
8. They know how to push it and work under HARD conditions.
9. They are firm believers that practice will make you better and will at any time...day or night.
10. Are used to doing things again and again till you can't.

Backstrokers do it on their backs,
Breaststrokers do it underwater,
Flyers do it wit their hips,
IMers do it 4 ways,
Freestylers do it anyway they want,
Sprinters do it faster,
Distance swimmers last longer,
Divers do it deeper,

However you put it, swimmers do it better.

Others:
We are able to do it on our backs or our front
The deeper we go the faster we get
We can beat you with one stroke.
We go in hard and come out wet
We get in and out in under a minute
Weve got 19 down and were still coming (500)
Swimmers don't mind when it's too tight
They have near-perfect rhythm
They come in fast and come out faster
We will always try different angles to our technique right
The faster you stroke, the faster it will come...stroke it hard
to a swimmer teamwork means perfect timing

2008-06-29T23:11:00.002+08:00

my second post of the day shall dispense with any uppercase lowercase crap cause i just dont feel like inserting any complicated stuff. thats how i'd like my life to be. no frills, nothing else but the things i love and the people who mean so much to me. but i guess we can't have everything.

just read naomi's blog, felt inspired, envious, i wish i could write like that. everything i have, i used to be, i am, is deteriorating. who am i, what am i, who am i becoming?

quote from said blog. "no matter what I will still be the kind of girl who wants to get married and have kids, grow up and grow old with the same boy. I want a boy who will go to IKEA and buy me a $15 yellow sunflower just because he thinks I'd like it, I want a boy who will rope in my parents to surprise me, just because he knows I like surprises. I want a boy would not only fight back but fight for me, wants to win me over. I want a boy who believes in what I believe and who has faith in what he cannot see, what is intangible. I believe that I can wait for someone like him to come along, because there's someone meant for me."

that pretty much sums it up. i just sneezed and bit my tongue. a touch of reality for you. it hurts like hell.

quiz from nana's.

1. Real name - Gan Su-Li Katrina
2. Nickname - kat, meow.
3. Married - nope
4. Male or Female - female
5. Highschool - raffles girls' sec
6. College - Raffles Junior College
7. Short or long hair - long
8. Are you a health freak - you've gotta be kidding
9. Height - 1.60
10. Do you have a crush on someone - this is way beyond a crush and its frustratingly stagnant.
11. Do you like yourself - not really.
12. Piercings - 2
13. Righty or Lefty - righty.

FIRST'S
14. First surgery - 2+ when i hit my head on the sliding door track
15. First piercing(s) - k1
16. First person you see in the morning - mum
17. First award - p1. some story telling thing.
18. First sport you joined - swimming
19. First pet - fish
20. First vacation - uhhhhh can't remember.
21. First concert - cant rmb

CURRENTLY
23. Eating - nothing
24. Drinking - water
25. I'm about to - sleep

YOUR FUTURE
26. Want kids - at least 3
27. Want to get married - definitely.
28. Careers in mind - sports psychologist

WHICH ONE IS BETTER
29. Lips or eyes - eyes
30. Hugs or kisses - hugs.
31. Shorter or taller - taller guy.
32. Romantic or spontaneous - both.
33. Sensitive or loud - depends
34. Trouble maker or hesitant - huh? trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER
35. Kissed a stranger - nah
36. Drank bubbles - nope
37. Lost glasses/contacts - no
38. Ran away from home - nope
39. Liked someone younger - nope
40. Liked someone older - yes
41. Broken someone's heart - i think so
42. Been arrested - nope
43. Cried when someone died - yeah
44. Liked a friend - oh tell me about it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
45. Yourself - not all the time
46. Miracles - yes
47. Heaven - no
48. Santa clause - nope
49. Angels - yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY ~*
50. Is there one person you want to be with right now - yes but.
51. Do you believe in God - well not God God but in a sense.
52. Tag 5 people - whoever la

k i'm done and i'm hungry and i very much want to eat the last donut in the fridge.

2008-06-29T11:37:00.007+08:00

OKAY PICTURES!

Group pic (: K fine its not the whole team cause there were so many people we couldn't fit into one photo.

Roomie 06&08 <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_BeMJz6WbeEs/SGcLddwyqyI/AAAAAAAAAUw/9_aO3bml344/s1600-h/IMG_7037.JPG">
What bored people do before the team briefing.

My fat roommate tries to hide behind the curtain.

All the pocky we bought after one outing to Tesco. Its like 50cents a box!

Underwater pics cause we're cool!

Newater ad :D

The cool people :D Table photo.
Khoons <345678

We dared Kelvin to give the singer the rose from our table :D What bored people do in between competition sessions.

And the last night was seriously the most awesome night. Khoonnie's Thai friends Win and Pat came over, and we were playing some lame game with our trigger balls at first. Then the Philippines guys were hanging around outside cause we kept dumping all our excess food on them, so Khoonnie, Christel and I ended up playing really hilarious games with them. We played Heart Attack with rotten oranges, which really smelt like smelly feet. Basically you have to grab the oranges after someone gets 4 of the same card. It was seriously gross, but hell fun. Switched to grapes after that when the oranges got too mushed to play. There were like pieces of grapes and stuff on the carpet :D After that we changed game to Indian Poker, where the forfeit for losing was to have something drawn on your arms in ZIG by the winner.

Is pretty dark but you can kinda see the graffiti on our arms at the end.

Mmm so in short SEAage was pretty fun! Probably my last one though. It could've been better cause of some things, but on the whole a pretty good comp (: Rest of the pics are on Facebook cause there are too many and blogger uploads pretty slow. Damnz Facebook's being irritating. Nvm other pics another time.

2008-06-28T16:34:00.002+08:00

I know I desperately owe this blog a photo post on SEA age but I've been really lazy and lets just say that my home environment isn't exactly very conducive for online leisure these days.

Anyway today was supposed to be a nice long day out, with training in the morning, then pw at 11, followed by lunch and a movie, but I had a horrible headache this morning, so training was out. Headed to Bugis for PW meeting after that, which was quite cool cause we discovered the microform rolls and microform machine which were endlessly fascinating. I even found an article in the Dec 1991 papers about coach and the rest of the SEAgames swimmers! Ended having lunch with YX and JM instead cause the movie/lunch got cancelled again. Slightly pissed cause its the second time its happened. I wonder if its an excuse not to go out or if its genuine. So in short today was not the day I'd envisioned it to be.

Anyway on a more random note I made quite a few new friends at SEAage. Rather nice talking to them, especially Dhill and Charlie. I'll never look at an orange or a grape the same way again. Details next time I PROMISE.

2008-06-24T23:12:00.003+08:00

SEA Age was pretty cool, especially the last night. I'll do a proper post with pics and all after thursday. Meanwhile please pray that I don't die for math tmr. ><

From Khoonnie's.

Spell your name without an E
My name doesn't have any Es.

When you are home alone do you still close the door when you shower?

yeah.

Do you like your life right now?
not that much.

What was the last item you bought?
Think it was that MAC eyeshadow from the Thai airport.

Last drink you had?
water.

Who was the last person you hugged?
Naomi this morning.

Where are your piercings?
ear lobes.

What do you think of gay marriage?
I'm neutral.

What plans do you have for tomorrow?
MATH CT. GGXX.

What do you hate?
feeling unloved.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed?
in the car

Are you texting anyone?
mer and mel.

Do you have a best friend?
no, but a handful of really close friends.

How are things between you and your friends?
pretty awesome.

What is your favourite romance movie?
Made of Honour.

Do you forgive and forget?
I try to.

Would you rather love with a guarantee of a heartbreak or never love at all?
its hard to say. depends on how deep that love is.

What is more important, happiness or trust?
trust

What time did you go to bed last night?
1am

What are you currently doing?
this.

What did you do today?
Geog CT, talked to a few people, mugged math.

Do you hate anyone?
hate is a strong word.

What was the last thing you ate?
fish for dinner

What are you listening to?
my brother playing DOTA.

Who does it remind you of?
uh.

What was the last movie you watched?
Iron Man on Shengjun's ipod.

What CD is in your stereo?
dont have one.

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not?
nope.

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
reasonable level

Are you dating the person you texted last?
nope

Is it cute when a boy calls you baby?
only if we're together or its mutual.

What's the connection between you and the last person you texted?
school mate / talk cock partner.

Do you like someone?
i guess you could say that.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with an S?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.kat should do this quiz. (that was khoonnie's answer. I suppose you can tell what my answer would be then.)

Do you know anyone that is currently locked up?
no

Okay I'm off to sleep or something, I'm gonna flunk tmr but I don't think my brain can take any more abuse.

2008-06-17T21:46:00.003+08:00

Wow I realised that I haven't blogged for a pretty long time, so I decided to blog once before we leave for SEA age tmr morning, and we come back and there are CTs and everything becomes crazyrushed.

So my week has been filled with.. shall we say, many ups and downs. This week has seen me happy and down, and doing lots of reflecting (not staring at myself in the mirror kthx.) I guess reflection is a good thing, cause as mum puts it, we're all trying to do too many things at once, and as a result end up becoming too unfocused and not being able to do any one thing properly. It is at times like these that you find that sitting down quietly, without any distraction or disturbance, is actually a really helpful thing to do. So you sit down and think, reflect on life, on what you've done, what you're going to do, how you could best have done it, how you can maximise your potential.. Things like that. Its not easy to deal when someone tells you you're a disappointment and that she isn't proud of you, so you take a step back and look at your life, ask yourself if you like what you've become. My answer was no, but I'm working on making it a yes.

Uhm so we're leaving for SEA Age tmr and I really cannot wait! I'm done packing but there's this little niggling feeling at the back of my mind that says I've forgotten something, though I can't for the life of me think what it is. (mmm mum just reminded me!) So 530am at the airport tmr morning, and I'm getting more excited!

Now I don't know what to blog about. Training's been going pretty okay and I've been churning out times that are quite decent so I think (I hope) that I'll do fine for SEA Age. Oh I was looking through the school nats program and some of the entries are srsly damn funny!

For example,
1500m Freestyle A-div: Woosheng, Shah, Zhi Zhi!
200m Fly A-div: Jinsei, Tom, Shah!

K so maybe I'm only laughing at the polo dudes, but its quite funny okay!!!

Shiz I really have nothing to blog about anymore. Nvm fotoz and a long update sometime after CTs. Damnz that's really far away .-.

K I'm off to do other things.

2008-06-11T15:31:00.001+08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

2008-06-11T14:46:00.002+08:00

Right now it doesn't really feel like ____________, cause it appears that I seem to be ____________ than ___. And really that shouldn't be the case?? Did you think you could ________________________ cause it really doesn't work that way!

Fill in the blanks. Life's a guessing game anyway.

2008-06-10T22:37:00.001+08:00

Okay clarification! I am leaving NEXT Wednesday NOT TOMORROW!!!!!

2008-06-10T13:36:00.002+08:00

Was just looking through my old pics and I found this mildly amusing / vaguely disturbing photo that I took at popular bookshop sometime last year after tuition. We were hanging around some promotional counter when we chanced upon this note left by the salesgirl. Notice that the words underlined in red were actually added by us :D

Really sad that some people can't even formulate a decent sentence. D:

Training later, back to the old grind. But on a brighter note we'll be leaving on Wednesday at 9am, I CANNOT WAITTTTTTTTTTT.

2008-06-09T11:57:00.002+08:00

Wow so the past 5 days have been really mad. 5 days of competition is seriously no joke. It did'nt help that Sing Open was in woodlands again. Might as well have been held in Johor. I travelled a grand total of 8 times to SS OMG.

Lets just say that this wasn't one of my better competitions. Oh well suppose I can't expect too much when I train only 3-4 times a week and other people are hardcoring like at least 6 times. This might sound like a have a really big ego but at least I have satisfaction in the knowledge that the times some people are doing only now are the times that I'd achieved in like sec 2, so I guess I wasn't all that slow back then :D

Uhm SEAage meeting later! Somehow I can't wait though I just saw everyone yesterday. I always look forward to SEAage :D :D :D This year won't be an exception cause though I have to study through, I GET TO ROOM WITH KHOONNIE AGAIN <3 I can't wait I can't wait.

Yesterday saw mum and I get this sudden random urge to go shopping so we headed out for a couple of hours and I picked up my new Havaianas (which incidentally are the same as my old pair cause I really love that pair. Don't judge!), two dresses and 2 bags. And that was all in a matter of like 4 hours, and like. One shopping centre. SHIT I NEED TO STUDY. K nvm ignore that.

This is a really random entry. The past few days are just flashing randomly in my head WHAT TO DO. Yesterday was a good day apart from the shopping cause something I've been waiting for for the whole holidays finally happened (:

Lets make it good this time. <3

2008-06-02T19:38:00.002+08:00

DO YOU LIKE MY NEW HEADER (: Thankyew to Naomi for making it for me cause I'm #1 noob at these things and so am vv grateful (: Is very pretty and I lub the colourz!

K anyway. Mugging today in school with Merrill and Joanne was quite successful! Basically was supposed to meet Mehmeh in school at 1, and then go mug, but he had this council meeting thingo, but apparently he "went to the toilet" (i.e. went to eat ice cream) and asked me to go find him in the canteen where I found him eating melted ice cream (i.e. just cream) and it was.. runny and yellow and why does that sound like mucus D: Anywayz headed to the library and saw Joanne on the way up!! Super nais coincidence. So we ended up talking crap (K I was mostly just listening) and trying to mug. All I can say is that the second half of our mugging (after we went to 7eleven) was much more successful. Note to self though: Hard to study with people I talk so much crap with; it really trains my concentration.

Today was basically a pretty good day :D

No training tmr morning so is all good, I get to sleep in again.

Singapore Open in 2 dayzz OMG :o

2008-05-31T17:35:00.000+08:00

::merrill::9 says:
dont feel too down!!1!
::merrill::9 says:
i am sure um
::merrill::9 says:
something will happen
katrina. (looking for a reason not to leave.) says:
haha
::merrill::9 says:
and stuff like that
::merrill::9 says:
you will find a unicorn
katrina. (looking for a reason not to leave.) says:
HAHAHAHAH UNICORN???
::merrill::9 says:
i duno, that sounded appropriate

Merrill rockz.

2008-05-31T14:38:00.004+08:00

Too often, we (I) find that what we're living for and living up to are nothing more than other people's aspirations and dreams. Perhaps these are our parents' unattained dreams that they now project onto us, in the hope that we can achieve that which they themselves have never achieved, or perhaps someone we look up to happens to be aspiring towards a certain something, so we too decide to strive towards that. Sometimes I feel that what I do is simply a bid to please other people, to make them feel proud of me, to be accepted, and to fit in. At the end of the day however, I keep asking myself whether this is really what I want myself to be and whether I'm happy with the person I've become. Perhaps I should be in some aspects, because what I've achieved is exactly what is dictated by society, but then again, is what society wants necessarily what I want? Anyway, too often, the answer I give myself is, no. This world is too full of projected ideals that someone somewhere has decided are what they want to see in the world. Perhaps we're all insecure to some degree, because we latch onto those expectations, cite them as our own ideals, and suddenly everyone who deviates from this norm is somebody no one can be proud of. Maybe all anyone is ever looking for is themselves, but all we ever end up doing is losing more of ourselves each time we try to be like someone else, and each time we try to live up to someone else's expectations.

I used to tell myself that I didn't care, and that I'd be my own person, and live for me. (Isn't that always the recommended thing to do?) Yet the paradox here is that oftentimes I find that living for me and being my own person just doesn't do it for anyone, cause now I suddenly find myself ensnared in the net of which I'd hoped I'd never be caught in. Maybe conforming is the best way to go about things, and maybe being like everyone else is the best way to survive. When your own mother tells you she's not proud of you, you know you need to do something about yourself.

(But something inside me is screaming that this is the WRONG way and that living for myself is the only way.)

For once, I'd like someone to be proud of me, and to love me for who I am and who I can be, rather than the person that they want me to be.

2008-05-30T11:57:00.001+08:00

big blank white spaces.

Like this.

2008-05-29T21:43:00.004+08:00

Wow I'm blogging twice today. I must be really bored with life. Or. I've done enough revision for today. ONE WHOLE TOPIC OF MATH is saying something for me cause my math totally sucks ass.

Anyway ripped another quiz from Khoonnie's blog.

If you had never been born, would you mind? I wouldn't know right cause I wouldn't even know I wasn't alive. But yeah I guess.
Are you a virgin? Yea.
Do you play an instrument? Piano and uh. recorder XD
Do you have a bf/gf? uhm this is a really weird question at the moment. But not now.
Are you okay with that? Pretty much?
Have you ever found a song that completely and utterly describes you? Not really.
Do you watch South Park? Sometimes.
Halo or COD 4? neither
Do you genuinely like the song Crank Dat by Soulja Boy? Its alright.
Do you have a younger sibling? Nope.
Are soccer players 'foot fairies', in your opinion? Uhm.
How old are you? 16
What is your favorite name for a girl? Alison!
What sports do you play? Swimming
Have you ever said lol in a real conversation? Yea I went through this phase in like sec 2.
If you could make a movie, what would the genre be? Comedy.
Have you ever been alone in a closet with the opposite sex? WEIRD QUESTION. nope.
Why are therapists bad? huh.
Have you ever been to pen island? hahahaha jiahao's blog!
Were the previous two questions offensive to you? not at all.
Are your parents together? hmmmm no.
Do you own a knife of any kind? swiss army knife!
Have you ever hurt your friend in a fit of rage? not that I rememeber
Did you feel sorry afterwards? -
Do you own an iPod? Nope. I have a Zen.
Would you consider this quiz random? Totally.
What color hair do you have? Dark brown I guess.
Have you ever played World of Warcraft? no.
Do you believe in God? uhm. kinda.
How would you describe your social status? ?? depends.
Do you wear glasses, contacts or neither? both
Do kids consider themselves your friends because you were nice to them? i guess.
Are you in any advanced placement classes? not smart enough -.-
Do you enjoy monopoly? yea
Cats or Dogs? dogz
Lions or Tigers? lionz
Ligers or Tigons? neither.
Would you jump in front of a bullet for someone? yeah
Who? the people I love.
Do you have a subscription to Sports Illustrated? no.
What is your favorite color? Orange and brown.
Do you like Disturbed? Hmm what's that? I like DISTURBIA!
Have you ever gone out with someone other than because you liked them? liked them in what way?
Do you think you are attractive? Nah.
Have you ever felt an inexplicable urge to have sex with someone? o0 no..
Do your friends like you for who you are? Hope so.
What is your favorite movie? I don't have a favourite.
Snowboarding or skiing? SKIING.
Can you whistle? Pretty much.
Do you know Demetri Martin? o0
Have you ever broken a bone? No! :D
Can you sing? I can carry a tune.
Why is your relationship the way it is? Cause.. we're being wishy washy.
Have you ever fallen asleep in class? HAHA uhm. no (:
Did you know that butter sounds like pancakes if you say it real slow? It doesn't!
Do you feel like a gullible retard now? Noooo :D
Can you raise one eyebrow? Yea I can even do an eyebrow wave :D:D
Have you ever downloaded a virus? Uh no.
Lacrosse or Football? Lacrosse.
iPod or Zune? ipod.
How many questions so far had nothing to do with you? I wouldn't know.

K that was the strangest quiz ever. Totally random and all that.

SINGAPORE OPEN SINGAPORE OPEN ):

Yknow reading the two emails that you showed me when you were chasing the other 2 girls really twinged, and I don't know why. Somehow it feels like you're not putting as much effort into us as you did into them. Maybe I'm jealous, but. those emails were so heartfelt, and sometimes I just wonder, do you really feel that way about me or are you just using me again? I know its not nice to think all these things but really I keep asking myself how much I mean to you.

2008-05-29T14:06:00.003+08:00

You were the one who asked me for a second chance.

So why does it feel now that I don't mean that much to you?

I know posting song lyrics is really tacky and all that, but somehow I feel they're strangely apt now.

We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we’d have to go through
Now here we are, I’m suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Knew there was somebody, somewhere
A new love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I’ve been waiting so long
Nothing’s gonna tear us apart

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Yeah

Life is a road that I wanna keep going on
Love is a river, I wanna keep going

Starting out on a journey

Life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

2008-05-27T21:35:00.003+08:00

Decided that I really owed this blog a post.

SO anyway uhm highlight of last week was.. Watching Made of Honour and the SSC elections! Finally met up with Shawn after forever, and watched Made of Honour which is srsly a huge chick flick, but was a good laugh anyway. ("Guess what I'm going to order." "(thinks) Uhm, a cookie?" "no, be more specific." "(THINKS) UHM. A BIG cookie?" Yeah that and other retarded lines.)I think he was like ??!?! cause I made him watch a chik flik on his birthday so whoops. But we both had fun. Sunday was elections + AGM at SSC, and the turnout was HUGE. Gymmed in the morning then hung around the club with Shawn (mostly) and the rest of the gang. I waited almost an hour for my lunch to come. -.-

K and.. Today was math make up in school at EIGHT FREAKING AM! Quote of the day from Mr Tay!

Class: "Sir so if we don't know how to do the question we should just skip it right?"
Mr Tay: "Well yes but if you've been through the paper 6 times in the first hour you should seriously consider doing something with your life."

So it doesn't sound so funny here. But. It was hilarious then!! Then headed out for brunch with Jo, Zhihe, Junming and Guowei. Brunch at Macs was.. suitably amusing, as is everything that I do with my class :D Then ARCADE where I actually played arcade games for the first time in my life. DAYTONA + SHOOTING HOOPS = FUNZ. Okay so maybe I need a life BUT DO NOT JUDGE ME!!!

Ripped this from Khoonnie's blog.

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 9.44pm
Name: Katrina
Sisters: 0
Brothers: 1
Shoe size: 6.5
Height: 160cm

Where do you live: Singapore
Favourite drinks: Green Apple Juice
Favourite breakfast: Pineapple buns from Hong Kong!

Have you ever been on a plane?: Definitely.
Swam in the ocean: Yesss.
Fallen asleep at school: HAHA uhm. Never (:
Broken someone's heart: Not shure....
Fell off your chair: Not that I remember.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Not really all night, but maybe half the night.
Saved e-mails: Nope. I only save SMS.

What is your room like: Awesomer than yours.
What's right beside you: Fone.
What is the last thing you ate: Apple (bottom jeanssss)

Ever had chicken pox: Nope ><
Sore throat: Too many times.
Stitches: Yea 9 on my head when I fell off my chair onto the sliding door track at 2.
Broken nose: Nope.

Do you believe in love at first sight: From personal experience it usually doesn't last.
Like picnics: Totally.
Who was were the last person people you danced with: Uhm.
Last made you smile: Rachie.
You last yelled at: Think it was Jo at the arcade this morning.

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: Yup.
Kissed anyone: Nope.
Get sick: Uh uh.
Talk to an ex: Haha this is.... kinda I guess.
Miss someone: Yes.
Eat: HOW COULD I NOT.

Best feeling in the world: To be held in someone's arms and feel like nothing else in the world matters.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Yea.
What's under your bed: Uhh. dust.
Who do you really hate: Hmmmm. Its more a dislike than a hate. Hate is a strong word.
What time is it now?: 9.51pm

Random:
Is there a person who is on your mind now: Yes.
Do you have any siblings: Yes.
Do you want children: Yes.
Do you smile often: Quite.
Do you like your hand-writing: Yes :D
Are your toe nails painted: Nope cause they chip during training ):
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: Haha i sleep anywhere.
What color shirt are you wearing now: Yellow-orange.
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: Swimming.
I can't wait till: Sea age with Khoonnie! <3
When did you cry last: Its been a while.

Are you a friendly person: Pretty much?
Do you have any pets: No.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?: Driving lesson.
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?: Yes, although its been a while.
Do you sleep with the TV on?: No.
What are you doing right now?: this DUH.
Have you ever crawled through a window?: Nope.
Can you handle the truth?: Depends?
Are you too forgiving?: Actually. Yes.
Are you closer to your mother or father?: Mom.
Who was the last person you cried in front of?: I don't usually cry in front of ppl.
How many people can you say you've really loved?: 4.
Do you eat healthy?: You're kidding right?
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?: Yes.
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?: Nope.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?: Khoons or Mel.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time?: Loud I think, but it depends.
Are you confident?: Quite.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. At primary school.
2. Swimming
3. Having fun
4. Loving life.
5. Watching TV.

5 things on my to-do list today:
1. Sleep.
2. Sleep.
3. Sleep.
4. Sleep.
5. Uh... Sleep.

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Hazelnut Praline chocolate!
2. Ice cream.
3. Full cream milk + Milo powder.
4. Green apple juice
5. MOST FOOD IS GOOD.

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Shop
2. Travel
3. Shop
4. Travel
5. Do charity (HAHA I TOTALLY JUST LEFT K's ANSWERS THERE.)

5 of my bad habits:
1. Speaking too fast.
2. Fiddling with things.
3. Being noisy.
4. Eating too slow.
5. Slacking at training.

5 places I have lived in:
1. Uh. Louis Court (sp?)
2. Bedok.
3. -
4. -
5. -

5 jobs I've had:
1. swimmer
2. student
3. -
4. -
5. -

5 people I tag:

1. -
2. -
3. -
4. -
5. -

Whoever. Okay I'm damn tired and thirsty now and IM CRAVING GREEN APPLE JUICE! AND THERE IS NO TRAINING TMR I LOVE WEDNESDAYS. Please please please don't let me screw SingOpen uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp.

2008-05-24T14:14:00.002+08:00

EVERYONE HELP TO DO OUR PW SURVEY PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Click Here to take survey

OH AND HAPPY ONE DAY LATE BIRTHDAY SHAWN AND RACHIE GOH! :D

2008-05-19T12:38:00.002+08:00

I need a proper holiday SERIOUSLY.I'm so damn exhausted everyday after training and having to complete homework / revision when I'm feeling like jelly really doesn't help much either. I NEED A PROPER HOLIDAY, one that doesn't require any physical activity other than sightseeing. SEA AGE DOES NOT COUNT AS A PROPER HOLIDAY cause we have to study and compete and it eats into school so I can't stay back for another week after that to go shopping ): Life seriously damn tough. I can't go for CCAL camp either cause of Singapore Open. I HAVE NO FREAKING LIFE I HAVENT WATCHED A MOVIE SINCE JUMPER CAN??!!!! I DONT GO OUT I DONT HANG OUT IN SCHOOL MUCH ANYMORE, all I do is study swim sleep shit eat WHAT THE FREAK JC isn't supposed to be like this!!!

I didn't start this post meaning to be emo but seriously thinking about the no holiday all swimming and studying June hols is damn sucky. I'm all ): now cause there's nothing substantial in my life!!!!

I NEED A NEW LIFE KTHXBAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ):

2008-05-18T22:20:00.001+08:00

I THINK I'M DAMN WEIRD ):

2008-05-18T21:42:00.000+08:00

OMG GROSS.

2008-05-16T23:25:00.003+08:00

Top 4 favourite songs of the moment.

In no particular order.

Better In Time - Leona Lewis.
Angels or Devils - Dishwalla.
Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy.
4 Minutes - Madonne Ft. Justin Timberlake and Timbaland.

Don't ask me why I posted that I just felt like it cause I have only those 4 songs on loop!

2008-05-16T16:31:00.005+08:00

Quote of the month/year/century from GP lesson!

Ms Uma: "Sometimes there are questions that are so easy they're just screaming at you, DO ME, DO ME! I'M EASY!"

"Uh. I mean. Attempt me, attempt me." XD

Pictures from like, the past MONTH or so. >< Everyone scream, MONSTER!

Jing (:

Joanne Nana Jing Kat!

Mel, Kat <3Bob and her perpetually coloured mouth.

NAOMIIIIIIIIIIIIII.

This is what geog lectures are spent doing.

Uhm.

And this is what we spent uh. a certain lesson doing :D

Uh meet my friend Merrill XD

Mt jacket totally makes them instantly cool.

Merrill's portrait of.....
This is my other friend, Daniel. He's, well, he's a midget. (:

So I guess you can say that my life in JC has been pretty good thus far, although I can't say it has been everything I've imagined. In both good ways any bad. Anyway stuff both expected and unexpected has happened, and I suppose that's what makes everything so new and exciting, it because you've learnt to expect the unexpected.

Shopping yesterday rocked but being sick today totally sucks. Oh well what to doooooooooooo.

2008-05-13T23:36:00.000+08:00

Need to be a better person.

Less unfocused.

Less self centered.

2008-05-11T11:58:00.002+08:00

"Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me."

"Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. And as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don’t know what they want."

“The thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after — just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away.”

I love Grey's Anatomy quotes.

I'm so damn tired of all this. Sometimes I really think swimming just doesn't do it for me anymore. Or maybe I don't do it for swimming anymore. The fact of the matter is I can't swim as fast as I used to, no matter how hard I try. This morning I was slower than a sec2 girl for kicking, and as much as I wanted to go faster, my legs just wouldn't propel me any faster. I used to only be slower than a few guys, but now I'm slower than a sec2 girl. Waturf?! And I was struggling to make 1.25 for free at AT pace, and it was only a miserable 3x100. I used to make 30x100 on 1.25 please. This is damn depressing. I'd really like to stop now, but there are so many competitions I have a chance of qualifying for this year, and I really want to give myself one last chance, to prove to no one else but myself that I still have to ability to swim fast, and prove myself one last time before I stop swimming competitively entirely. Its not going to be an easy rest of the year, but I suppose if I want something I've got to put my mind to it, my heart and soul into it, and hope that the outcome is the one that I desire. SEAage, Singapore Open, Singapore Shortcourse Championships, World Cup (Singapore), (Hopefully) Asian Schools, HK Open, World Cup (Sydney) here I come!

Back to Geog.

I really miss having someone's hand to hold, to have someone who understands and loves me for who I am, wholly. I miss the feeling of being loved. Any takers? ):

2008-05-09T22:29:00.002+08:00

So today was.. mildly eventful.

Highlight of the day was when JY got my phone confiscated during lit. Basically the lesson sucked to the max, so he took my phone and was playing City Bloxx on it, and suddenly through the hazy sleepy afternoon, this really high angry voice cut through the air "give that to me!", and it suddenly registered that she was talking to JY. So she took my phone, and what really pissed me off was that shh BANGED MY PHONE DAMN HARD ONTO THE TEACHER'S DESK AFTER TAKING IT. Like WTF fine take my phone cause we were playing games during your boring as hell lesson but do not bang someone else's possession around please. Sha tan lan zi (#*^%#(%^!!!! Anyway to cut a long story short, JY and I went to look for Ms Wong 2 hours later cause litwoman gave my phone to her, and Ms Wong laughed at us, and gave us the phone back. (And we found out that apparently manymany teachers dl her! Ms ___ and her "oh don't you know we're the best of friends?". That's what you get for being a sha tan.)

Headed over to PJC to watch the Rugby match, RJC vx ACJC for 3rd/4th positions. Was my first rugby match ever, and though the boys lost 20-0, I think they played bravely. If I could tell them one thing I'd say that this season was already over, and that, cliched as it sounds, there's no point crying over spilt milk, and all they can do is to learn from this season's mistakes, so that they don't make the same mistakes all over again next year. It must still suck to have lost anyhow, but I guess getting pist doesn't help any either.

Back to GossipGirl assuming it isn't still lagging.

2008-05-07T21:26:00.003+08:00

This is what I do when I'm supposed to be studying. Love this picture, I've had it for ages, but have no idea where I found it. Lit tmr is going to suck cause I have no idea how to analyse 2 of the 4 poems. Understanding and writing a critical analysis of them is completely different..

step onto the plunging block

get mentally prepared

take the plunge

feel the water engulf you, there's no one else but you.

you're fighting against yourself

turn at the wall

you're getting tired

you want to stop

you can't stop, want to get out of this so badly, but you can't, you're stuck doing it.

ignore me i'm just tired.

2008-05-06T22:18:00.002+08:00

So, new template. Because I was getting tired of the old one and I decided I just needed a peaceful quiet one. I'm a html noobz and can't figure out how to post the header picture, but all in good time.

Damn lazy to blog about dance nite and stuff so you can go to Mel's blog to see. (Yao's really pro OMG)

Jon's in HK now and the house is so weird its just mom and I.

Goeg test today was kinda waturf and I'm freaking tired now and I'm going to sleep soon and everyone go to http://bwinteroglympics.blogspot.com and that's about all.

Take one deep breath,

and plunge back in.

2008-05-04T13:04:00.003+08:00

I HATE it when there's incessant nagging / scolding going on the whole day at home. Its irritating, disturbs me, and.. irritating. And I'm not even the one being scolded. I think I'd better stay in school the whole day for the whole of next week while Jon's in HK so I don't get it too.

2008-05-01T18:17:00.004+08:00

also i would like to add that i need something more substantial in my life. something other studying or training. maybe a( )would be good and no there're no secret messages in that blank space. its really blank because that's how that part of my life is at the moment. (and no i don't want one with you)

k find the secret message!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahahaa i was kidding there isn't one.

funny how studying is supposed to be good for your future but is so bad for your present. life. i need a life. good afternoon.

2008-05-01T18:12:00.001+08:00

Mugging math and econs together is the best formula for a headache.

Though playing music at max volume is oddly satisfying. I pity my neighbours.

KILL ME NOW ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

2008-04-29T21:02:00.004+08:00

Two years ago, this would have been the only thing that I'd wanted, but now, two years later, its just too little too late. Its been way too long for me to return to where I'd been then, and continue from there. Its too hard, I've forced myself to forget, and none of those things will ever change. I don't suppose things will ever be the way they used to be, and maybe at the back of my mind, I don't want to go back to that. I was too commiserating, gave in too much. I don't think I'd stand for that now, and maybe I want something better, something more exciting, something new. I'm sorry if you feel that there're more people in my life who're of greater importance than you now. I won't deny it, you're not number one in my life anymore. There are people who have been there, all the time, and haven't given me as much heartache as you have. I admit I'd wished this would happen so long ago, but now is just so far from two years ago, and after a while I'd just stopped wishing that this would happen, and learned to live for other things, learned to love other people. It could be that our expectations sometimes sell us short, and that I still want this, and its just not how I'd imagined it to be. (However, at the back of my mind, I know that this isn't true, and that I've really gotten on with my life.) Today was too sudden, after too long a time, and perhaps I didn't react as you'd have wanted me to, but honestly, who would have? Not sure what I want from us, but I know its definitely not that.

Maybe its time you moved on too.

2008-04-27T22:02:00.005+08:00

Jazz yesterday night was pretty alright, basically went to hear Naomi and Tom sing, and damn they're good. Left early at about 830pm though, and headed to J8 to have dinner with Mel. She bought 2 bowls of beef soup which cost 8 bucks in total! Totally not worth it in my book, but I got to share it so whatever. :D

Anyway next point. ONG YANHAN IS TOTALLY COUNCIL PRESIDENT! Like how srsly awesome is that. Yanz now you have to be more glam alr, cannot go around taking retarded pictures anymorezzzzz :D

Pics like this.

AND THIS D:

I have more but I think I'll save her reputation a little eh heh.

This morning's set was.. kinda weird. Damn my stamina really sucks, couldn't even make all the times for the 12x25 dive sprints. Missed 1, and had to swim 2x200 fly as penalty cause I false started another one. Basically the set was 12x25 sprint, with a given time to make, and the penalty was 1x200 fly for each time that we missed. All this was cause coach is still pissed about our 3k for time on Saturday. Think its largely my fault cause I was swimming really slow and srsly trying not to die, but compared to everyone it looked like I was slacking ): Now's not the time to emo about it I suppose, but to make the most of what time I have left before I have to stop to study for A's. Its just strange to think that I've put so much time and effort into this sport for so long, yet I'm not really very good at it. Kinda seems like a waste of energy. I wish I could be better, but I suppose the failing is no one else's but my own for not having the drive to train as hard as other people. Oh wellz there're many more things in life.

I've more or less finished swim capt's speech for this Wednesday. I hope its good enough :/

Back to maths. Baibai.

2008-04-24T23:04:00.003+08:00

So today was an alright day, though I was SUPER tired, kept dozing off. Fell asleep during GP, and woke up to Ms Uma saying "Katrina are you alright? I hope you weren't sleeping." Oops.

Anyway there was this really funny conversation going on between Andrew and Fats.

Andrew: "Yea my degree is damn high"
Me: " Mine's like 700 plus!"
Fats: "HUH THEN HOW YOU SEE?"
Andrew: "Contacts la! -.-"

K it doesn't sound so funny now ):

Anywayzzz headed to the library to do GPP, and finally finished it at like 530! So went upstairs to look for Mel and Jenwei, found them mugging :o So to cut a long story short we decided to head down to Island Creamery at Serene. As we were coming down in the lift, the lift suddenly shuddered to a stop. So needless to say we were all like WTH?? And when we got down to the canteen, YueZhen told me to "thank a certain councillor for that" SO I KNEW IT WAS MERRILL LEE. MERRILL NEXT TIME YOU DIE.

Cabbed there. I had brownie with cookies and cream ice cream, and thanks to JW for letting me eat half of his mudpie, it was freak awesome!! Cabbed home with him after that, while Mel bussed home. He only had 10 bucks and his EZlink cause Mel stole his iPod and his wallet. Tsk Mel. Anyway we were damn worried our collective 30 bucks wouldn't cover the ride home cause there was a jam. Thank goodness it did though. Anyway I had fun, we have to do it again!!!

Am done with Lit essay and PI, and am going to heck Econs essay, so that's about it for tonightz.

2008-04-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

NAOMI YANG IS AWESOME x3456789.

2008-04-23T21:27:00.002+08:00

Damn shit ass tired.

Towning today with Khoonnie was fun! Thanks for lunch and the awesome company.

Damn irritated with myself today. Keep dropping things / knocking things over / hitting myself / typing wrongly. RARRR. Tried to run in the gym today but my stupid leg kept hurting so gave up after 3k and went to do abs and dips instead. H8 ):

K just feeling miserable now IDK WHY. Naomi Yang is the <3